As I reflect on when I was on stage over the past four months, whether it be for Table Topics, Evaluator Role, or Prepared Speech, I have concluded that communication does not come naturally for me.  There is a pattern to the variability of my performance on stage.  Sure, the level of preparation is a factor, but surprisingly is only secondary.  The dominating reason that determines whether I speak well is the level of my concentration.  I often joked that I need a jolt of Starbucks directly into my veins in order to wake up for the Toastmasters meeting.  I never realized how much truth it embedded.  The caffeine begets energy, which begets enthusiasm, which somehow stimulates the area in my brain which facilitates communication.  During these bouts of high enthusiasm, I had always found a level of clarity that makes it easier for words to flow in my mind before they leave my mouth.  Therefore, the number of Ahs are reduced. 

Unfortunately for me, I cannot control my mood.  And there were a number of occasions during which I arrive at the meeting under suboptimal conditions.  Whether it was a bad day at work, feeling burnt out, or my dog died…I just didn’t have the enthusiasm.  No matter how much coffee I drink.  I should have stayed off stage, but out of foolish pride and believing I could just ‘wing it’, I did a Table Topic, and even delivered a prepared speech.  Even today, I could recall the feeling I had as I struggled with distraction throughout the speech.  Didn’t matter how well I was prepared:  Whatever remained of my concentration was focused on recalling the words, and I was nothing more than a walking sound-playback.  I didn’t even bother observing the reaction from the audience.  Even if I got away with few Ahs, I still delivered a speech without any life. 

For a table-topics or evaluation, it is even worse.  I didn’t have anything memorized, so I was depending on verbalizing my thoughts on the spot.  Unfortunately, the mental acuity was gone, and I couldn’t quite promptly find the right words to express myself.  My mind was 2 beats behind my tongue.   And the AH’s inevitably filled the 2-beat gap. 

So, are my speeches going to rise and fall according to the whims of my moods?  Can I have any control over it?  I have discovered that it is possible to forge a level of concentration enough to compensate for the erosion from my emotional tides.   And I have to admit, that it is hard work.  It is trying.  But you can do it.  Concentrate on one thought:  formulating your verbal thoughts for the next sentence before it leaves your mouth.  Concentrate on NOT    SPEAKING as you wait for the words to come together.  Then, increase your concentration so you can formulate two sentences before you speak.  So that you don’t seem a bit robotic, you will have to add concentration on the audience as well.  And don’t stay in one spot.  And your vocal variety and body language and ….

Well, take it one step at a time.  Baby-steps. 

I would like to point out one related factor that may tip the balance in your favor.  If you cannot control your bad days, if you cannot control the emotional turmoil, is it possible to forge a small pillar of confidence as you step up the stage?  Some people are able to disconnect their emotional baggage and their on-stage persona, and are able to project the air of confidence.  Find that confidence within you and believe in your message (yes, it helps to have a speech with a message to begin with).  Believe that you can touch the audience.  Believe that you’re doing something more important than yourself.  Then perhaps you can may feel cool and composed, and concentration would ease in.  All it takes is concentration to get you through the 2 minutes while controlling your Ahs.  You know what to concentrate on.  Now, you just need to be disciplined enough to do so.   The light at the end of tunnel is this:  I find that I require less concentration to control my Ahs nowadays, compared to when I started.