I was preparing to convert the video of my son's Christmas performance from the DV.  I remembered watching it on the DV last time, so I figured I haven't lost the spot.  Just press "Play", and then rewind it a bit.  The oddest image came on the screen.  It was me, making a speech.  I don't remember ever video-taping my rehearsals.  Hold on...in the video, I was speaking in the CCTM meeting room--This wasn't a rehearsal.  Then it dawned on me.  I had recorded my Speech #2 back in July.  It was supposed to be a video-taped advice to my son (now 4.5 years old) when he becomes a teenager.  Like a time capsule, or message in a bottle.  Just in case something happens to me before he comes of age. 

Many times, my wife asked me if i want to watch the video.  Thanks, but no thanks.  I hate the sound of my voice. No way I would ever, ever ever watch it.  Today, thanks to twist of fate, I faced reality.  I was terrible on stage.  All this time, since I have joined CCTM on July 2008, I thought I was a gift to the club.  The joke is on me.  I always understood I should be humble, because there is so much I still need to learn.  I just didn't realize HOW humble I should really be.  I am not exaggerating, that I almost want to throw up just going through the first 30 seconds of the speech.  I can imagine what Aiden would say when he sees the video.

Darren Lecroix, former champion of the TM International Contest recommended to all serious speakers:  record yourself.  If you cannot bear to look at yourself talk, how can you let the audience suffer through the same thing?   Now I really understand what he means.  So, for my Chinese New Years resolution, I have decided to have at least 2 recorded rehearsals before the actual stage time.  The first one to establish a baseline.  The second one to ensure that I had shown noticeable improvement.   I hope that the audience would also notice the difference.  

To my dear friends at CCTMC.  I am sorry that you had to sit through my last five speeches.  I'm glad that I have the next 5 speeches to redeem myself.

As I am writing this column, I also realized this:  I really have no objective standard to be sure that I have improved on each speech.  Up till now, I am judging my progress only by my best guess, which is hardly reliable;  And the evaluations from the TM members who sat through my speeches and actually enjoyed it--so I have to take that with a grain of salt as well.  Only through these recorded rehearsals can I look back and make sure that each successive speech is better than the last.  

For the members who have the time, I would like to encourage you to also begin watching your own speech.   Wish me luck.  I hope i don't begin losing all my self-esteem in the next few weeks.